When Tim and I separated in August 1998 the baby bug had already bitten me. Then, facing a prolonged separation and devastating divorce, I felt I was destined to have only two kids. I struggled in the following years with trying to come to terms with the fact that God may not have more children in mind for me.
In 2000 Tim and I began the process of reconciliation, and renewed our marriage vows in May 2001. It was a joyous time, as we set off tentatively back on the path of marriage. People began dropping hints that we should have more kids, but we weren't ready yet.
In 2001, in the week following the terrorist attacks, Tim began mulling over the idea of joining the US Military. By October 2001 he had visited the Air Force recruiter and in January 2002 he left for Basic Training. He spent the rest of the year in training for his chosen career. We lived with him that year for only 3 1/2 months, in Biloxi, MS.
February 2003: we arrive at our first duty station, Spangdahlem AB, Germany. For the first time in years circumstances were right for having a baby. After a long year of physical separation, we were ready in more ways than one to start "trying"!
It started March 17th. I saw the kids off to school from my front door (they rode an American school bus), then Tim off to work. By 9am I was back in bed sleeping, and up again a little after noon. I got pretty good at doing a whirlwind cleaning job that looked liked I'd been working for most of the day. This continued all week. I was so embarrassed by my apparent laziness that I didn't mention it to Tim.
I expected my period on Friday, and when the day was over I still couldn't imagine that I might be pregnant. We went to a local Italian restaurant and I felt sick from the cigarette smoke. After dinner, we went to base to rent a movie. I was so tired I couldn't stand up. I sat on a low shelf and waited for Tim and the kids to choose the movie so we could go.
Saturday, March 22: I'm in the kitchen making breakfast and I'm nauseated and sweating, wondering what on earth might be wrong with me. I actually had a pregnancy test in my dresser drawer but didn't want to use it. It had been so long since I'd been pregnant that it was almost like the first time when I thought it couldn't really happen to me. I remember the moment well when I thought, "I guess I could be pregnant. I might as well do the test and see. I could always buy another one later if I need to."
I left the biscuits in the oven, grabbed the test and sneaked into the bathroom. I peed on the stick and put it on the side of the bath tub. "Jesus, show me something good!" I whispered.
I had been planning all the cool and creative ways I could tell Tim and the kids for years. But seeing the second line appear swept all my good ideas away. I began to shake and my heart was beating quickly. All I could do was grab the test and bolt up the stairs, where I was crying and yelling to Tim about how I was pregnant. Tim cried, I cried, Kristine cried, Sean smiled like his face was gonna break. Later, on November 26 of the same year, Sean said, "Zach came just to make us happy." He was right, and the happiness began on March 22.
Having Zach was a physical sign of a new era for our family. God has been good to us, and it's never as obvious and when you look at the 2 little miracles He added to our family in 2003 and in 2005. They are proof that God can do anything.