My Ever-Evolving Hair

Getting a hair cut and color can be awfully anticlimactic. I think and plan and think and plan, looking forward to that one hour where everything changes. And then, slowly the bleach is painted in and the rinsing happens and the cutting moves along at its slow and steady pace. After a hour-and-a-half, I look in the mirror and it's done; no fireworks, no rumbling announcements, just a quiet transition from one idea of myself to another. The only time it's a big event is when it doesn't turn out right, and then the event tends to be after the cut/color: the tears, the wailing, the hiding under the covers till I fall into a fitful, nightmare plagued sleep. (An exaggeration? Maybe!)

Since I was in Oregon and Heather helped me turn my black hair into a shocking orange mess with the assistance of bleach in a box covered with lies (black to platinum blonde in 90 minutes? Nope!), I've contemplated going back to my original blonde hair. When I asked my hairstylist Pauline about it, she said I couldn't take it from the current red ("ginger" it's called here) to light blonde successfully. She suggested "heavy highlights" for a couple of visits this summer, eventually switching over completely to blonde. The deed was done this morning.


What do you get when you mix blonde and red? Orange! But it's ok, I still like it. It's kind of funky, which is fine with me. I'm ok with processes.

Please keep in mind that it's been very hot here, about 90 degrees. That might not seem hot to you, but it's not normal here and without air conditioning and with a high humidity level it's miserable. I look like it's miserably hot!

Black and White

A week ago I was looking at the 1" roots that had grown out since I last colored my hair. The black dye had faded to dark brown and my roots were growing in medium brown- the difference in colors wasn't very noticeable. Then I saw it: a white hair. A little searching turned up another. And another. And another.

Aack! I'm only 33 years old and I'm now officially coloring over white hair! The only comfort I have in this is that it was white rather than grey. I've always hoped that when the time came it would be white. I just never expected the time to come so soon.

The same day I found the white hairs I went with my Polish friend to a fantastic water park inside a local resort. It was such fun, going down slides and rapids and frolicking in wave pools-- but the whole time all that was going through my head was I have white hair! I was in shock for a good 24 hours and then sunk into deep denial with a box of Feria hair color in jet black.

It might have all been a dream.

Please Pray For Jolene

I went to church with Jolene when she was on active duty with the Air Force and stationed at the same base Tim was at. We weren't really close, but I always liked her and felt a connection with her when we had babies around the same time. We've kept in contact through Facebook and our family blogs.

Which is how I came to find out that a seemingly benign lump she found in her breast has turned out to be cancer. I'm in shock over it. Jolene is my age, a young mom. I can't imagine what thoughts must be racing through her mind.

She wrote to me that her boys are on her mind, and her attitude is spectacular- she states with fervor that she will win, not the cancer.

Please keep Jolene in your prayers. Visit her blog here.

Also, ladies, please do breast exams. Honestly, I never do, but I'm going to start. I think I'm even going to request a mammogram. I got an email recently from another friend I met in Germany who has two sisters with breast cancer and she was strongly urging her friends to "FEEL YOUR BOOBIES GIRLS, this is serious." Heather and I laughed about that sentence- while acknowledging the serious nature of the urging. But even that didn't get me thinking like Jolene's news.

Just As I Am

When I was a teenager my mom used to comfort me with the promise that adolescence doesn't last forever, thus the acne on my face wouldn't either. I began to look forward to turning twenty; I thought that as long as the word "-teen" wasn't a part of my age my skin would miraculously improve. If my mom had known that my skin would be plagued for a further two decades- and possibly beyond- I don't know what her comfort strategy would have been. It's difficult to instill confidence into a teenage girl with a severe case of acne.

And that lack of confidence followed me into my 20's. By then I didn't have the false comfort that the condition was on it's way out. My lovely mother then started saying that she still got the occasional pimple into her late 20's, which would have been fine if my problem was simply an occasional pimple. I did a couple of rounds of Accutane and experienced several months of perfectly clear and beautifully dry skin. I loved it, but the results never lasted (despite the dermatologist's word that it would permanently clear up my complexion).

Now I'm in my 30's and rosacea is the new problem, added to the old. In it's most severe forms it can be a devastating condition, so I'm holding out hope that it won't get worse. I did a fairly quick internet scan of natural treatments for rosacea and come up with quite a few. I still plan to make an appointment to get a referral to a dermatologist, but while I wait I've begun taking all of these daily:
Quite a regimen, right?! Add to that the prescription medications I take for my neck problems and it's a whole stomach-full of pills. I got to drop one though; despite being labeled as "odor controlled" it caused terrible dragon breath! I thought it would help boost my immune system, but it's going to have to work without the help of garlic.

I remembered years ago that I used to use lemon juice on my face in an attempt to bleach out my freckles (now I don't know why, I love freckles!) so I started using fresh lemon juice on my face hoping it could make my skin a nice creamy color again and also for its antibacterial properties. I don't have a clue if it's working, just as I'm not sure that the green tea I brew up daily and wipe my face with is either. But at least the tea is soothing and the studies about the amazing effects of tea on the skin are too tempting to ignore. It seems to be in every sort of beauty product these days, and I figure I might as well try it.

I love Makeup Alley, a site that has user reviews of various health and beauty products. I came across two highly popular "remedies" there that I'm trying: Burt's Bees Naturally Ageless and aspirin masks.

The trouble with the Naturally Ageless Repair Serum is all the oil- a big "n0-no" for anyone with oily skin and acne. On Makeup Alley so many people raved about it, even those with acne-prone skin that I decided to try it. I bought it for about $10 cheaper on eBay and have been using it for 2 days. I'm not sure what I think yet.

I'm a little iffy on the aspirin mask as well. As far as I can tell it just contains the same ingredient as half the over-the-counter blemish cream (salicylic acid). I have tried it twice- using 8 aspirin with a strong green tea solution (it doesn't take much) and a drizzle of honey- and haven't seen any difference. I will probably try it a few more times, and see if I can become as dazzled with the results as others are.

Some women, especially older women, clamor for the prescription cream Retin A. I've been using it off-and-on for many years. When the rosacea was first diagnosed, several months ago, I had gone to my doctor to ask for a stronger prescription of Retin A. He laughed at me. He said he's not sure how I managed to get the high dose I have and I wouldn't be getting anything more than that. I guess it helps, but the truth is that even if it didn't help the acne I would use it anyway for my "aging" skin. Maybe it's helping some tiny lines and wrinkles I have but can't see because of the Retin A!

Have you noticed how I don't "own" the acne with my words? It's not "my acne". After so many years of dealing with it I've come to see it as a condition that has happened to me. It's not me. I am effected by this condition, there isn't anyway around that, but it doesn't effect who I am essentially as a person. My friends and family- who know me as a person, not as a skin condition- love me, and my husband doesn't even see my skin issues when he looks at me- he sees me: the real me, the me I'd be if I was runway-beautiful or disfigured. I wish it hadn't taken 20 years to learn this lesson about true self-worth. I hope that learning it now will help me to teach my daughter that beautiful skin/hair/eyes/clothes are a nice bonus, but not what really counts. God created me as I am, with skin conditions I don't seem to be able to control. I don't know why. But I know he loves me just as I am.

"I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are."

~Mark Darcy, Bridget Jones's Diary

Life Is Just Too Short... or: None of You Guessed Correctly!

There's something to be said for remaining conservatively safe in most things; I have more to say about seizing the day. Life's too short to be bored out of one's mind. Having my hair the same way, year in and year out, bores me. After a year-and-a-half with red hair, I've moved on. To BLACK!

I didn't tell Tim I was going to color it, just emailed him pictures after the fact. I'm so blessed to have a man who loves The Many Hair Moods of Reese. His response? He called me "a cutie" and said (in response to my question about his opinion of the color): "Why not?" Oh, I love that man!

Ian and Mommy

The black hair makes me feel dramatic and glamorous. I get to pencil in my eyebrows with a black pencil, wear vibrant eyeshadow, start wearing the red shirts and jackets I had to ditch when I became a redhead. I think somewhere deep inside I feel like Snow White. As my tiny niece once said to me "I'm your dream come true!" I feel like a fairytale princess.

I also feel like I need to writing dramatic poetry... but that's a different post.

Anyone else feeling daring this fall? Not necessarily with your hair, but any major, voluntary changes on your horizons?

Those Were The Days...

When I was about 16 and developed crushes on a guy I did one of two things: I kept it incredibly secret or I wrote him a letter. Generally, if I knew him I'd keep it a secret. I kept my crush on Tim a secret; in fact, it was my good friend Amber who- sensing it would do me good- spilled the beans. I would have been mortified had Tim rejected me, but he liked me back and Amber was safe.

But if my crush was on a celebrity or someone I didn't know well or see often, a letter was likely on its way from my rapidly beating heart to his front door. Take for example Michael Conner. He was the lead singer of the Portland based Christian band Versus. I was smitten. It was the first crush I seriously had on an adult. Before that it had been Chip from Not Quite Human and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea. (I must admit to a slight heart flutter even now when I see a picture of dear Gilbert!) But poor Michael was destined to receive a letter from me. I don't remember what it said, but I'm sure I humiliated myself. Thankfully, I've since asked his forgiveness and received it.


Jamie Rowe, leader singer of the 90's Christian music group Guardian was another such crush who became the target of a hormonally induced letter. I saw the band on Real Videos and was in a tizzy for a few days! I must have watched the Fire and Love video a couple hundred times. I sent a letter to TBN addressed to Jamie Rowe and then promptly forgot about him, and was shocked when he called me one day after school. I didn't even remember giving him my number and couldn't imagine why I'd done it, much less why he'd used it. By then I was dating Tim and was humiliated to admit why Jamie from Guardian had just called me! Years later, after Tim and I had been married awhile and had 2 kids, Tim got to sped some time with him and was kind enough to remind him of the experience. Wasn't that nice of him?! NOT!



If I knew that 16 years after the fact I'd be sharing this with the masses I'd probably have committed suicide. Thank God for time and a little perspective, right?

Anything time has allowed you to laugh at about your teen years?

Reese's No Secrets Tuesday

I woke up crabby this morning. I was impatient when Zach woke me up, snapped at Tim for asking me to scoot over on the stairs so he could pass, and participated in a ridiculous argument with him unrelated to my place on the stairs. After about an hour of this I thought What is wrong with me?! Then I did the math: 5 days until my period is expected. Nasty PMS is paying an especially cruel visit this time around.

Whatever man said PMS is only in a woman's head is obviously... a man. I didn't even realize it was that time of the month and I was feeling it. Some months I escape it, other months I have just a hint, and some months I feel fairly certain that my family wants to relocate me to Alaska.

I went to one of my favorite websites, Thesausus.com. Here is the list of synonyms for "grumpy":

• bad-tempered
• cantankerous
• crabbed
• cranky
• cross
• disagreeable
• fretful
• grouchy
• irascible
• irritable
• nasty
• peevish
• petulant
• querulous
• snappish
• snappy
• surly
• testy
• ugly
• waspish
• out of sorts
  

I figure I've been all of these- possible more than one at a time- at least once today.


On days like these, Oswald Chambers' spirit follows me around and whispers:

There are certain things in life that we need not pray about— moods, for instance. We will never get rid of moodiness by praying, but we will by kicking it out of our lives. Moods nearly always are rooted in some physical circumstance, not in our true inner self. It is a continual struggle not to listen to the moods which arise as a result of our physical condition, but we must never submit to them for a second. We have to pick ourselves up by the back of the neck and shake ourselves; then we will find that we can do what we believed we were unable to do. The problem that most of us are cursed with is simply that we won’t.

Apparently PMS isn't an excuse for bad behavior. Too bad 'cause I could use that excuse for every bit of bad behavior I feel like putting on display (I told my friend J today that I just feel like throwing shoes at everyone. For some reason she decided not to come over with her kids......)

Anyone else struggle with PMS? Any suggestions for miraculous cures? I'm open to just anything besides eating shrimp and drinking Pepsi.

(Anyone else see all the different sizes of the letters in my posts??!! No matter what I try, it won't be fixed. Geez Louise. What a day...)

A Little Fun with Johnny Depp

I was a little surprised by the passionate outpouring of deep admiration displayed for Johnny Depp by so many of the lovely ladies who participated in Know and Tell Friday. I guess I thought I was the only one with this particular schoolgirl crush. Oddly enough, I never thought much at all about Johnny D until Pirates of the Caribbean came out. What is it about Jack Sparrow that is so darn appealing?

Some of the comments from KATF participants were interesting, including Heather's insinuation that she had shared an evening with JD in Germany and Nancy's observation that he would "just be fun to look at." Lora would pick Johnny up "of course" and Kari mused about why the question even needed to be asked: "Johnny Depp, hands down. Who needs the Queen?" Jodi called him "easy on the eyes" and Deb R would pick him up, but only of it wasn't an election year.

There were those who showed less love for Mr Depp, including Jodi who actually said "Ugh" and only grudgingly offered Johnny D a ride if she had to! Annie couldn't pick him up (I think that requires explanation!), but offered a ride to him with her friend. Christine was very democratic and fair, saying she would give a ride to the one who "got in the car fastest." Jodi hoped for her sake it was JD.

Kayren vowed to pass the whole group by and keep an eye open for Barbara Bush.

I must admit that isn't the first time I've tried to sneak in a question about the Johnmeister. A couple of Fridays ago I actually had him at the hypothetical front door with a plate of brownies- but I couldn't think of what to have him do next and couldn't see where the question part fit in! Who knows, maybe he'll pop in again some future Friday!

All the Depp Talk did get me in the mood for one of his movies, so at the library today I checked out "Secret Window". I'm already shaking in my shoes! I've had opportunities to watch it before, but chickened out. I'm going to make myself sit through it this time.

Cheers! Happy Sunday!

Waxing

I just thought I'd throw out there that Sally Hansen Hair Removal Wax Strips really work. They might draw out with the hair an unstoppable scream though.

After the first scream Tim yelled from the 3rd floor, "Are you alright?"

I yelled, from the 1st floor, "I waxed my face!"

After the second scream he yelled again, "What's going on?! Are you okay?"

I yelled back, "Yeah! I'm waxing my face."

"How can you do that twice?!" He called. After some investigation I found that he thought I had said I whacked my face! What a dork he must think I am if I'm whacking my face twice in a row!

I've only had the courage to use two strips. After The Boys go to bed I'll try to get to the others.

Purses, Purses Everywhere

"Balls are to men what purses are to women."
~Sarah Jessica Parker

As we were leaving London, we kept passing bag shops, so eventually we had to stop to check them out! The guy Tim and I had traveled with wanted to buy a couple for his wife, so I thought I'd hitch my hopes on his whim. It turned out that all the shops were wholesale, but the kindly foreign salesman agreed to sell us a few anyway. I got these two at 11 pounds a piece. I'm currently using the one on the right, but I can't wait to travel somewhere that I'll need a bigger bag for so I can use the one on the left. I think I'm a purse addict, but luckily for Tim my tastes run cheap. I have yet to see a designer bag I'd be willing to pay the big bucks for, and besides I like change too much to stick to one purse simply because it cost me a month's wages. Eleven pounds is about $22, which is just about the right price for a Reese purse.

Any other purse addicts reading this? I've been wondering if Heather still uses her purse, and if it's solved her lost keys issue...