If You Didn't See It, Would You Believe It?

December, 2008. Tim and I are sitting in church with Dan and Heather. It's one of those progressive churches that wakes its congregants up with coffee, tea and hot chocolate served at the back of the sanctuary. (My church does this too, only it's served at the end of the service, waking people up after the fact.) I glance over at Heather and see that she's HOLDING A PEPSI!!!

IN CHURCH!

A book I saw calls soda "liquid Satan". Could it be that Heather needs deliverance and this was a silent plea for help? Could she be experiencing deep hurt that she needs deliverance from?!

At any rate, I took a picture for posterity.

Every Child's Nightmare: A Mom Who Overshares

Today I'm quietly thankful that I'm not Matthew McConaughey. You know the internet abbreviation TMI- too much information? That's a serious understatement in this case. Here is what Matthew's mother Kay has written in her new book "I Amaze Myself" (frankly, she amazes me too- but not necessarily in a good way):

Matthew McConaughey's father died having sex with his mom, Mama McConaughey says in her new book, "I Amaze Myself!"

“On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love,” Kay McConaughey tells Us Weekly. “But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing," she says. "But it was just the best way to go!”

When her husband couldn’t be revived, she made sure he was taken from the house in the nude.

“I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey — and his gift,” she says.

Kay McConaughey also says her famous son, 38, was a happy accident. It was just after she’d married Matthew’s dad for the third time.

“I was deciding, ‘Do I want to have another baby? Do I want to have an affair? Or go back to school?’” she says. “That’s when Matthew was conceived. We had tried for 16 years and no baby. So Matthew was a big surprise!”

What would you be saying to your mother right about now if she wrote a book like that?!

Gas Tank Woes & School Clothes Shopping

I finally stepped out of my "back to school denial" phase and took the kids back to school shopping on Saturday. We always go about 1 1/2 hours away because if you buy your clothes in this small town, you will look like every other person in school, and we just can't have that. :) It's a tradition. My mom and this year one of my sisters and the kids all load up in my suburban and head out for a fun day of shopping.

My gas tank was beyond empty as I was leaving for the day. Thank goodness the gas station is straight down the hill from my house and I knew I could coast in if I needed too. I argued with myself over how much gas I would need and decided that if I told the attendant to "fill it up", it would only be about $80 - ouch! So, confident in my thought process, I told him to "fill it up!".

After awhile of sitting there, I could have read a book it took so long, I hear the pump turn off and then the attendant says "Your tank isn't full but the pump automatically shuts off at $100, want me to re-swipe your card and go again?". He thought he was pretty funny! I, on the other hand, saw no humor in the matter. I emphatically told him no, I would take my chances at where the $100 got me. Thankfully, it did get me to the full line.

It leaves me to wonder, is a paid off suburban worth it? I have yet to figure that out.

Regardless of the gas tank issue, we had a wonderful day together. The finale of the day was the girls doing a fashion show of all their new clothes for school. We are almost ready. This weekend will be all about the school supplies and getting organized. Should be a fun weekend. :(

Spreading a Little "Love", Calvin Klein Style

Read this quote from "Creative Director" Fabien Baron regarding the rejection of Calvin Klein perfume ads by television networks because they contain Eva Mendez flashing a nipple:

"You must be kidding me," Gawker [gossip website] quoted him as saying. "This country needs a new president — this country is so messed up. It's such a joke and it's quite upsetting, frankly, how hypocritical this country has become. It's ok for children to see people killed by guns? Spreading a little love right now would be a good idea."

Is this not utter nonsense? America is "messed up" because the general public doesn't want to see someone's private bits on their widescreen tv's? I'm also fascinated by how that's somehow the President's fault. His idea of counteracting what he thinks ails society is "spreading a little love"... but what he really meant was nipples.

Lord, save us from the nuts!

Speaking of Seafood...

How about becoming food for the fish?!

It's The Thing in Asian countries, and now Yvonne Hair and Nails in the Washington DC area offers it. Click here for the International Herald Tribune article.

I'm not sure I'd want tiny "doctor fish" eating dead skin off my feet. And how about this: the owner of the salon hopes to establish full body treatments! That's a resounding "No way Jose" from Reese!

What do you think? Would you do it?

Talula Does The Hula

Now I've heard everything:

A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names, and did something about it. Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii... (For the rest of the story click here.)

Dessert Anyone?!

Colonies of Kosovoans

When you move into a new house its not uncommon to find nests of birds or wasps, families of mice, or swarms of termites infesting your new home. You plug up holes, set out traps, call an exterminator, whatever you need to get them out of your home.

But what happens if on your initial investigation of your new home you discover a colony of Kosovoans sitting on a mattress in your attic munching on sandwiches? That was the question facing a British man in West Bromwich, West Midlands recently. For the story, click here.

I must say the story cracked me up because of the term "colony of Kosovoans". What a funny way to put it! Not "several illegal immigrant families from Kosovo", but a colony of Kosovoans. Interesting. It may provide some insight into the feelings of the locals toward the illegal immigrants in their area. Makes me consider the language I would choose I was writing such a story...

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Oh, the amazing things you can learn in a library! Such as that Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is a village in Anglesey in Wales and has the longest town name in the UK. The name means (in Welsh) "St Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church of St Tysilio of the red cave".

For further reading, see the Wikipedia article here, or the website here. And here is a YouTube video of the pronunciation:



~Reese, who will put Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch on her list of places to visit in the UK.

Toilet and Tub For Two

As I contemplate 100 Things I Love About Tim, I must say that I'm not sure my love would take me here:


We all have our limits, right?!

~Reese

Back Stabbing

Ever had the feeling you've been stabbed in the back when you weren't aware of it? It's just a feeling you get sometimes... it can't quite be explained....like this poor bloke.

~Reese, who plans to slip into a deep sleep ASAP.
Cheers!

Blabbety-Blab-Blab

Don't forget! It's Crazyville De-Lurking Week!

The Excuse: I'm sick

Since the weekend Tim said he was coming down with a cold, one that was creeping up on him slowly but bearing generous gifts of a soar throat, cough, runny and stuffy nose and a headache. When we woke up yesterday morning, he said he was feeling worse.

I felt perfectly well.

Until noon. Then it hit me faster than Heather downs a six pack of Pepsi: burning, swollen throat, aching muscles, stuffy nose. It lasted all day and through the night and still it rages on. I’m so, so very sleepy. If I wasn’t the sole human in charge of 2 preschoolers at the moment, I’d surely be in bed.

My favorite comfort for a cold is ginger-lemon-honey tea, made fresh in a pot and left over a tea light to be enjoyed throughout the day. I think I drank 3 pots of it yesterday, maybe 4. I’m on my second for today.

The Dastardly Deed: A Drive-By Posting, not well developed or thought out.

I’m going to ramble now. You’ve been forewarned.

1. My 8^th grader came home from school yesterday with rather shocking information: a kid in his guitar class was showing off his…. um… John Thomas. (For those of you unfamiliar with UK euphemisms, that’s a male’s outdoor plumbing.) In class, while the teacher was out of the room. What is the world coming to? I remember JB running around my high school with a fake John Thomas, but look where he ended up…jail. When I reported it to the teacher, he was speechless.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this, either themselves or with one of their kids?

2. I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness. I had a dream several nights ago that someone who had hurt me in the past suddenly appeared and apologized. My heart and emotions fell in a heap and cried, though my body stood perfectly still and I couldn’t bring myself to look this person in their eyes. When I woke up I suddenly saw everything clearly: that the injury I had received from this person was less that this person didn’t care about me, but more that I saw the injury as confirmation that I was indeed the awful person I thought I was. Someone doesn’t like me. I knew I was ugly, lacking talent, a no-good friend, poor, and stupid. Now it’s confirmed. On this side of it all, it seems ridiculous that I allowed it to hurt me.

But in this revelation God has also spoken to me about forgiveness in general. That forgiveness is freely given, with a foundation of grace, not because someone else needs to be forgiven, but because I need to forgive. I NEED TO FORGIVE. The Bible tells of a person forgiven who refuses to forgive, then warns that if we aren’t willing to forgive those who have wronged us, we won’t be forgiven by God. That’s motivation in itself to forgive, but it goes deeper. I need to forgive to move on, to heal, and to embrace my life and my Lord without being weighted down by my past. For the first time in my life I feel that it’s impossible that I not forgive those who have hurt me.

And with that, I’ve been set free of so many chains of the past. My heart is lighter and I feel joy. I have committed to pray daily for several people who come to mind that have caused me pain in the past. I pray that God blesses them as he has blessed me.

3. I’ve been reminded that when I believe God it doesn’t matter how I feel. Have you ever prayed for, say, healing and kept praying till you felt like it might happen? Or prayed for forgiveness until you felt forgiven? How often we try to conjure up the emotions that we think we should feel when asking God for something, eh? But the reality is that God makes promises to us (By His stripes we are healed. We have only to ask and we are forgiven and the offense is forgotten forever, etc.), and they are true no matter if our emotions line up with those promises or not. There isn’t any part of a promise made by God that I am obligated to fulfill. How awesome is that?!

4. Now that I’m sick and should be avoiding all things bad for my body, I am craving cake, pie, cookies, pudding, Peanut M&M’s, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (my favorites, of course!), those yummy nougat pecan rolls from Christmas, banoffee pie, Triple The Ginger Cookies. If only I could keep my eyes open to read a recipe…

5. I was giddy with excitement a couple of weeks ago when Tim told me about Hulu dot com, a new site where we can see a bunch of tv shows with really good quality picture. Then I was way bummed when I discovered that I can't watch any of them here in the UK. I saw Lost season 4 slip right through my finger tips and shatter on my bedroom floor. Then Tim came home bearing good tidings of another site where I could watch Lost, Watch TV Sitcoms dot com. I spent my sick day yesterday divided between cat naps, reading, and watching 3 episodes of Lost and 2 episodes of House. I'm absolutely convinced that if Jack knew me (and I was single) he'd dump beautiful Kate in favor of me (or if I could just get an interview with JJ Abrams he'd hire me for a staring roll on the spot). I'm also quite sure that Dr House would hire me in an instant, if I was actually a doctor. Ah, the joys of escaping reality.

6. I call my four year-old both "Dude", "Bub" and "Bud." Somehow, since I've been sick, I keep mixing them up,combining them, and calling him "Boob". This has got to stop.

~Reese, who begs your forgiveness if she made any major boo-boos in her post and asks you to try to make sense of those things she wrote that didn't make sense. (Did that make sense?...)

Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

"Here you go, dear, your dinner. A nice plate of spaghetti and meatballs and a glass of iced tea."

"Why, thank you," she takes the plate and balances it on her exposed lap." What's for dessert?"

"Oh, no dessert tonight, I'm afraid." He answers as he leaves the room. "Bowling night."

He changes his clothes and brushes his teeth at the kitchen sink, and as he walks past the doorway of the room his girlfriend is in he asks, "Do you think you'll come out today?"

She hesitates, biting her lower lip. She reaches for her glass that's balanced on the edge of the sink and takes a slow, long sip. Her voice quivers a bit as she answers, "Maybe tomorrow."

He stops and looks her dead in the eye. "That's what you said yesterday. And the day before."

"Well, I mean it this time."

"Did you mean it when you said it last year? And the year before that?"

"Uh," she hesitates again, "It's just that, well, I can't leave."

"Bugger and Blast! You know it's all in your head!" His face grows red with a heady mix of anger and exasperation.

"Not this time." She lifts her head of greasy, unwashed hair and looks him full in the face. "This time it's real. I can't leave."

"Oh, yeah?" He mocks. "Is a fire-breathing dragon gonna incinerate you if you step out of the bathroom? Is the banshee going whisk you to your grave if you dare to stand up and go to your own apartment?" He bangs his fist against the wall, emphasizing his words. "THERE. IS. NOTHING. KEEPING. YOU. ON. MY. TOILET!"

"But, honey, there is this time. My butt's grown unto the toilet seat. Two years of sitting on a toilet will do that every time. I can't get up."

Think this is a bizarre story? It's true (with my own fictitious embellishments) . Click here for the story.

posted by the Reese

Info I Could Have Done Without

It seems there are drugs in our drinking water, including antibiotics, anti-covulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones. How did they get there? People take the drugs, pee them out, the waste is treated (sorta), then released into rivers and lakes, then retreated (without completely purifying it) and piped into your faucets for drinking. Can you say it with me:

EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Now, what was McKenna was saying about drinking water from the faucet? Ah, the wisdom of a child.

Click here for the whole story.

posted by Reese, who enjoys stirring things up