Books Reese Read in 2011:

• Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From The American Dream by David Platt
• God's Generals
• God's Generals: The Reformers
• The Help by Kathryn Stockett
  

Vanity.... and Graduation

Vanity! Vanity! It's all vanity!

Those were my thoughts today as I sat back in my reclining medical chair and let a kindly dermatologist zap my face with a laser. That and "Please, Lord, preserve my vision!" Despite closed eyes and tight-fitting metal goggles, I could still see the light that stung my skin.

Why? Rosacea. And it's free treatment, despite costing about £400 in London. I figured the better question was: why not?

I walked away with a bright red, rather swollen face. After ice packs and some prayer, I'm grateful to report that the medical technician was wrong when he said it would take 2-3 days for the sunburn-like redness to leave my cheeks. I'm back to normal this evening.

But my favorite news of the night is that I've officially graduated from Bible school, even if I'm not officially done with all the work. I still have some assignments to complete, but my pastor apparently wanted to demonstrate the concept of FAITH! And if I slack off, he'll hound me like the persistent widow with the unjust judge (Luke 18:1-8)!

I'm Glad I Listened to Kris Allen's Album Until I Liked It...

...'Cause, just being honest, that's about my biggest accomplishment these days. That and breaking a record that I'm sure exists for plays of Ellie Goulding's song Starry Eyed.

Oh, and mopping my kitchen floor on my hands and knees today. That's a good one for the list. Makes me appear very dedicated.

As for reading, I'm halfway through The Appeal, as well as halfway through So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore, and a couple pages into Schindler's List. I want to take a day and just read myself silly, but an endless list of chores faces me daily, and besides that, I fall asleep as soon as I stop moving. That's why I putter around my kitchen most of the day and can't tell you much that I've done. I just have to keep moving.

But God continues to move on my heart with Isaiah 58, expounding to me on what true worship is really about. I believe in corporate worship services, but sometimes I gauge their success on how encouraged and fulfilled I feel at the end. Isn't that often the case? Recently a dear friend was honest and said "I just couldn't get into it" about a particular worship service. I've been there literally hundreds of times. As if it was about me.

Take a look- AGAIN!- with me:

² For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

³ 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Corporate worship- singing, clapping, raising our hands, dancing, shouting to The Lord, or however you express your love and dependence on Him- is right and good and appropriate, but is it the only way we worship? How about making our lives a study in living worship, fitting service to a King who bent and washed His disciples' feet, who left all His glory to die a violent death on a tree so that we might be saved? He spent himself on me, is it too much for me to answer His call to spend myself on the hungry, to provide for the wanderer, to clothe the naked?

I'm still asking God exactly how this looks when worked into my life. I know two things for certain: the basis of these acts of worship are based on LOVE (for God and others), and it requires that I am not the first thing on my own mind. I am asking God daily for a surpassing love for those He loves, in all situations, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to me, and that this Love for others comes before thoughts of myself. I want to see the reality of having a priceless treasure in this jar of clay.

And, lastly, I need to share this with you all: I HAVE BEEN HEALED! My neck is 100% healthy and hasn't given me trouble since February. I haven't taken any medication, I can read without pain, prop myself up on my elbows while laying on my tummy, and I have begun jogging again for the first time in years. When some youth leaders and youth prayed for me in February, God healed me. It felt like a deep and private secret between me and my Father for weeks, but He made it clear when I should make it public. I give all the praise and glory to Him who heals! Praise God!

Cheers!

Would You Like a Little Tofu With That Whine?

So what exactly is it that they say about the best laid plans? I think all I've ever heard is "Well, ya know what they say about the best laid plans!...." and (after a mocking chuckle and a shake of the head) "...the best laid plans.....". Personally, if I felt I needed a strong basis for the argument to never plan anything, I'd use James 4:13-16.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.

Being a mist and all, it was probably a bad idea to decide what to make for dinner ahead of time. Of my planned dinners- and this being Wednesday night now- I have made......none. Nada. Not one. Desserts? Nope.

And Monday should have been easy; all I needed to do is defrost the soup I made last week, chop a few veggies, skip the beggar's purses, and butter a few pieces of bread. It's not much, it's certainly not fancy, but it's dinner. Unfortunately, there were a few kinks in the path to a warm tasty dinner on Monday.

The first bump in the road was realized when I rolled over in bed to thank my alarm clock for the 6 am wake up by whacking it in the head. Simply rolling from my left side to my right sent shoots of dull, oppressive pain running through my joints and muscles. My head felt like a fish bowl filled with manky water and big, loose rocks and it seemed that a rodent of some sort had lodge itself in my throat. Swallowing was very near impossible. Every step from the third floor down to the kitchen felt like I was hobbling out of surgery where I'd just been stitched up. It was hideous.

I consider myself to be a moderately strong woman. I'm no Corrie ten Boom, but with time I usually come to grips with tough situations and can take it. No cold/flu can get the best of me! All you really need to know is that in order to endure my load I have to let off steam. Usually that means talking it through regularly (poor Heather knows all about this one- she's most often my ear), but if opening my mouth hurts I'm going to have to vent my frustrations in a more primitive way. Uh-huh. I'm gonna cry.

And cry.

And cry some more.

Then I'll wipe all the tears away and toss the Kleenex in the bin. I'll tighten the belt on my robe, pull up my sleeves and start making The Boys' lunches...... and then I'll cry, maybe even having to throw the soggy bread out and start over with the lunches.

I might even sob a couple times before the Tylenol kicks in.

And then the pain lifted and I was me again. The rest of the morning was normal, except that Ian had an appointment with the allergist. Poor boy got poked and pricked, stuck and squeezed. In the end, it looks like he's still allergic to milk and now we've added peanuts, peas, walnuts, shell fish, and cashews. Uh-oh. There's the vegan version of cream in the corn chowder we're having for dinner, and it's made from- you guessed it- cashews. Bump #2.

Not that it mattered. I made it out of the allergy clinic and down to the pharmacy before I fully realized my pain relievers had worn off. I sat in a chair that had a magical gravitation pull and found that all my limbs had quadrupled in weight, which could only mean that I'd have to die in the chair. I managed to phone Tim to set up weekly visits and the occasional sponge bath when the chills and tears started.

Someone must have been in the back of the pharmacy, watching me and switching the heat off and on, just to see me go from shivering violently under my thick winter coat, to throwing it off and pulling my trousers legs up to my knees to release some heat so that I didn't catch fire. All the while crying, my tears feeling either like hot lava or ice water depending on what the sneaky pharmacy heat guy was doing.

By the time all my mascara was smudged into a tissue and smeared around my eyes, I remembered that an emergency room was just at the end of the hall. I thought if I could break free of the the gravity I might try crawling there, maybe grabbing a nap on the way. Just as I'd gathered my strong womanly resolve to follow my plan, Tim arrived and escorted me to my van, where I took more Tylenol and threw in a Motrin for good measure. Half an hour later I had returned and the shivering, crying lady was gone.

Too bad for the family, she came back right about the time I should have been making dinner. It's still not clear what Kristine made for dinner, but I suspect it was here specialty: mac 'n cheese from a box. Put differently, Zach and Ian couldn't/wouldn't eat dinner that night. Nice. While mom slept. Really nice. NOT!

I am happy to report that the chills and aches are gone and it's only a sore throat and ears that bother me now. Still not sticking to my menu plan, not through today, anyway. But, to quote another strong and whiny woman, "Tomorrow is another day"!

And, yes, I will take a bit of tofu with my whine. Thank you.

My life has been very typically My Life: chaotic, unplanned and flying by at an insane pace. Seriously, where does the time go? Where is all the time that was supposed to be available to me once all my kids were in school?

A very strong and convincing case could be made that if I was more organized/scheduled/Type A/anal I could get much more done. Yeah, yeah. I know. But where's the fun in that? On the other hand, where's the stress in that? Likely, nowhere at all.

So, I'm going to try to schedule my time better. And post it here so that I can be transparent...accountable...waste more time doing something other than what I'm supposed to be doing...

So, first things first: My Goals:

• Make some money
• Keep my house somewhat organized
  
• Develop my photography skills
• Read more
• Spend time baking and cooking and blogging about it (more on that later)
• Volunteer for the homeless, needy, etc.

How I plan to accomplish this:

• Organize my days, balancing what needs to be done with what I want to do

This week will be my trial-and-error week. I'll chronicle my attempts at whipping my life into shape and examine what works and what doesn't. I'd appreciate any constructive input from the more organized of my readers.

Warning: Not only am I very unorganized, I am also chock-full of good intentions that lead to nowhere. Only time will tell if that's what this post is all about or if I will finally change my bad girl ways. LOL!