Saturday, April 5, 2008

Tackling the Blahs

I think I am finally starting to win. I had to face them head on and go from there. Grief and I have been in this strange tug of war for three years now. Most of the time, I win...but, there are times that I let it creep in and this has been one of those times. I have realized that I will probably be fighting this tug of war battle a little harder in the next few months as we face James' 5th birthday....5 - A Whole Hand...and, I wonder how can it be? The milestones have never affected me as much as I feel this one will. At 5, he would be writing his name, going to school, laughing and playing with his sisters...the list goes on and on.

I haven't spoken much of James here and will at some point. To make an extremely long story short, he is my precious nephew who passed away at 19 months due to a genetic disorder.
Last night I had my nieces (James' sisters) ages 1 and 3 over until 9:30. When they left, I put my two youngest in bed and headed into my room where Dan had a heater cranking and he had left our personal DVD player on the bed while he went to work. I curled up in my nice warm room, watched a girly movie, drank a pepsi and cocooned myself in quiet time.

I woke up this morning to a sunny beautiful day feeling refreshed, more me and ready to take on life again. I needed to just step back, relax and take a break.

Today is crazy. It's my brother in law's birthday and then a surprise party for my mom. My mom has done daycare for 27 years and every year on her birthday I invite all her daycare families, past and present, over for a party. Well, today's the day. It was supposed to be tomorrow but she went and made plans! She's really making me work for the surprise this year.

So, I am off for a day in my wonderful crazyville life!


1 comment:

  1. aww. that is sad. i understand how past grief can creep up years later and smack you in the jaw. i understand that. and walking it out isn't at all easy.

    you're doing great!