Rewind twelve hours. After a long day caring for two preschoolers, doing everything a SAHM does, as well as having awakened with that undeniable feeling of emotional delicacy that often accompanies PMS (but occasionally appears for no other reason than the whim of nature), I felt in strong need of nurturing. I ushered everyone through dinner, through the bedtime routine, and breathed a sigh of relief when the last little one was snoring in his bed. Now, it was my time for a little breather. Nothing big, just a quiet evening watching a little tv, leaning on the man by my side, drinking in his strength.Tim had other plans. He obviously felt the need for some down time as well. He ate dinner, helped with putting the kids in bed, then chilled in front of the computer. Organizing songs in iTunes never captivated a soul as it did Tim that night. Every half hour or so I asked, "Do you still want to hang out?" He always said he did, to hold on just a minute.
As time went on my blood began to boil. I had to literally remind myself to lovingly respect my husband. When I passed the computer nook and saw him engulfed in his project I envisioned smacking the back of his head with a dead fish- soft enough not to hurt, but gross enough to make my point.
Was he wrong? I don't think that should be my concern. I am only responsible for myself and my responses to situations I can't control. In this instance I failed miserably. I went to bed angry and hurt, selfishly ignoring what I could do to make my husband feel loved, instead focusing on what I thought I needed and how I had been wronged.What if that night I had looked at him and thanked God he wasn't one of the thousands of military casualties in the Middle East? Had he been a casualty of war, as a widow I'm sure I would have given anything to have him sitting at the computer, enraptured by iTunes. It's all in the perspective, the glasses you allow yourself to look through. Positive or negative, self-centered or God-centered, it's up to each of us to make the decision for ourselves.